A New Year
As we enter the new year a recurring thought has come to mind. Why do people constantly allow others to validate them? After doing a bit of research I found that this question is often related to self-esteem issues. When one becomes an adult I was under the impression that they shouldn’t be accountable to any being other than a higher power or someone they are committed to. However, more than ever it appears a great number of the population seem to live their lives concerned about what “others” think of them. So after doing some research I’ve found the common thread between the above mentioned tends to be The Abilene Paradox. An example of this theory is a situation where the collective in a group agrees on a path of action that none of the individual members want to do (Flores, 2023). Experts have claimed this happens when individuals blindly follow social expectations in order to fit in. As a result, these individuals are detrimentally falling short of advocating for themselves.
Reasons why people fall into this category include: wanting to appear nice or non-confrontational. Therefore they compromise their integrity in order to “get along” or “avoid conflict.” Consequences of living this way are living with internal turmoil and often causes the persons to inherit a passive aggressive personality. This occurs because they feel it is the only way to assert themselves. In order to avoid falling into the Abilene Paradox one must learn to become a self-advocate. This is a person who is aware of their rights and knows how and when to exert them without infringing on the rights of others to do the same. Finally, once you learn to self-advocate you will be able to boldly say no when you are not interested and in return you will not compromise your rights or authority.
References:
Flores, et;al, (March 23, 2023) The Abiliene Paradox: The Curse of Caring Too Much Available at SSRN:https://ssrn.com/abstract=4406948
Emory University, (August, 2022) Self Advocacy and resiliency: Essential Traits for Women in Leadership Roles https://ece.emory.edu/articles-news/foundational-skills-for-women-in-leadership.php